In the prison there's a mean amphibian, Mean as he can be
They want him separate from the others, Confined in solitary
Solit’ry confinement has a nickname, They call it the Hole
Stopping that amphibian from going in solit’ry, That's become my primary goal

Don't put the Toad in the Hole - It's not his preferred environment
Don't put the Toad in the hole - It fails his basic room requirements
Put him in a swamp, Or on a damp old log
But don't put the Toad in the Hole

The Hole is small without a window, Lunch is mean and cruel
(You don’t) choose between pie or a / nice roast dinner, “You, Toad! Grits or gruel?”
What I wouldn't give for a picnic now, With cakes and squash and all
Or sausages baked in batter, What’s the name of that? I can’t recall

Don't put the Toad in the Hole - Turns out he’s got claustrophobia
Don't put the Toad in the hole - It does not need to be toadier
Put him in a boat, On a lovely summer’s day
But don't put the Toad in the Hole

I bet there’s rich stoats eating in a fancy Toad mansion
They’re probably drinking squash and have their feet up on a cushion
But if they get away with this, that’s amphibian injustice
Don’t put the toad in the hole

Don't put the Toad in the Hole - Calling on you sympathisers
Don't put the Toad in the hole - Only two stars on TripAdvisor
Put him in a velvet smoking jacket with the Queen
But don't put the Toad in the Hole