Thames Eggs

by Tom Wateracre

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I can't pretend this is scientifically accurate. For a start, I'm now older than 30.


Everybody asks "Hey, how is it done?
It's always been there but, hey, basically how come?
Was it a really long snake got turned into water?
The tears of a goblin's overweight daughter? How come?"

And I say:
A cloud's like a chicken, always laying eggs
It straddles the city, 'tween its chickeny legs
It pops an egg out onto the ground
A river rushes out with a roaring sound
It happens really fast, just as fast as can be
The river makes a mouth at the edge of the sea
It happened in the city that I call my home
Many many many many years ago

Thames eggs! Yeah!
Thames eggs! Yeah!

Everybody asks "Hey, how do you know?
You're only under 30, don't you know?"
Yeah, I know (No need to rub it in)
It's not common sense or conventional knowhow
Everybody wants to know how I know, I know

A cloud lays an egg on the ground below
Creating endless torrents of rivers to roam
It cuts like a knife through a Babybel
I only know this 'cause I found the Thames's shell
Cracked a mile north of Cirencester
An overwhelming aqueous ovular gesture
Offering opportunities for global trade
Upon the waters from the egg that was dramatically laid

Thames eggs! Yeah!
Thames eggs! Yeah!

Everybody wants to be a bidet
Everybody wants to be in the sea
Everybody wants to be a harbour
Everybody wants to be an estuary
Everybody wants to be a mangrove
Everybody wants to be a canal
Everybody wants to be a Nordic fjord
Everybody wants to be the English channel

Everybody wants to be a puddle
Actually, nobody wants to be a puddle

De la mer posse, consists of three
Water, ice and steam
Bay, beck and creek

And that's the magic Humber


released June 15, 2008


all rights reserved



Tom Wateracre Greater London, UK

Over-wordy comedy songs by former member of Pegabovine.

"Top-quality musical material" - The Scotsman
"Lunchtime froth" - Chortle

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