Gentle friends, you must worry not,
Though we might seem in a tight spot
“Aladdin in this climate? Surely not!
It isn’t appropriate!”

(But don’t) gasp your angriest gasp,
Madam, leave those pearls unclasped
For we’ve something kindly to ask:
Look a little closer

We’re not wearing shemagh and agal
We’re only just out of the bath
These are not piles of delicious spice
We spilt our poster paints out on the path
These chickens in crates are not being sold
They’re from a coop in a garden in Ellerton Road
Though it’s bizarre, it’s not a bazaar
It’s only Tolorth Broadway

Do not worry, please settle down -
Tolorth Abu Darcy is a made-up town
So don’t give our dressing up a dressing down - We’re on a technicality
It’s awkward, I’d have to agree,
But imagine a land of genies
Accessible from the A3,
Just off a magic roundabout

The stalls don’t sell those curly shoes
It’s a pound for a punnet of plums
That’s not an exotic belly dancer
That man has a t-shirt too small for his tum
That’s not a snake in a hypnotic trance
It’s a sausage dog posing for her Instagrams
Though it’s bizarre, it’s not a bazaar
It’s only Tolorth Broadway

That man didn’t climb up a magical rope
It’s a living statue up a pole
That’s not a mystic, dazed and confused
It’s a mum from a party at the Charrington Bowl
The Tolorth Delight is as sweet as it gets
The camel escaped from the Aquapets
Though it’s bizarre, it’s not a bazaar
It’s only Tolorth Broadway