I was hanging out with a lot of people in theatre. This is based on stunt casting of musicals - similar to, but not explicitly about, when Gaby Roslin was in Chicago. I know Ian Shuttleworth, the theatre reviewer from the Financial Times, and so he appears in this song. He's actually the nicest man, and only sinks his claws into something when it really deserves it.
lyrics
Seated in the circle, in the royal box
We shushed the kids and stopped the clocks
The gentlemen in tuxes and the ladies in frocks
It had finally arrived
The day we had been promised since last July
The twinkle we saw in the producer's eye
She accepted the job and she knew just why
What a glorious ride
The lights, the tights, theatrical fights
The height of fame, her name in lights
She might just set the stage alight
We'll see
No-one expected it, some rejected it
Nicholas Hytner at the National directed it
A certifiable CASH COW
When the TV presenter with no previous experience
Of musical theatre began to sing
In a role made famous by Elaine Page
The TV Presenter stood centre stage
Theatrical purists wrung their hands in rage
Not knowing what to feel
And there she stood, Maria Callas reborn
Standing in the glare of theatrical dawn
Many a programme screwed up in scorn
But that's part of the deal
You choose the boos, but you refuse
To let reviews persecute you
In moments few begins your brand new start
She was still pausing, she was taking it all in
The critic from the FT started sinking his claws in
She'd have to start any moment now
When the TV Presenter with no previous experience
Of musical theatre began to sing
And it was long, that first note
High, that first note
Would she drop at the first hurdle she came to?
The pens would drip blood on the notebooks
Mud would be thrown at her good looks
Why would she ever put herself through this?
Tenderly, she sang a middle C
She pulled it off, so she sang a G
An F and an A, a C and a B
It sounded rather sweet
The audience looked at their fellow man
They nodded once, and then the smiling began
And from the upper tiers, the cheering rang
They rose to their feet
The cynics had been proven wrong!
The run would be "The Mousetrap" long!
She'd only sung half a song, but hey!
She could really sing! Put her face on everything!
Only two months before the backlash begins!
A certifiable CASH COW
When the TV Presenter with no previous experience
Of musical theatre began to sing
