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about

I have nothing against Elton John. I like him a lot. But there was a little scree of bands and artists that he went on record saying that they were really great and that they reminded him of himself. Pete Docherty the key example. I imagined a drugged-up Pete Docherty being overwhelmed by the opulence of Elton's flowers and celebrity buddies, and how that might not actually sit well with someone going through the hell of drug addiction. I don't know, maybe it makes it more fun.

Anyway, I didn't do this song much when I was doing gigs. I got nervous of the personal attack on Elton, and - well, it's a bit weird, isn't it?

lyrics

Tuesday brings another bleak day to the school
Of the Performing Arts
The whisper dissipating round the Common Room
He's come for us
Some are filled with joy, others filled with scorn
Some they rue the day that they were ever born
But someone's going to get it
The patronage of Elton John

Elton picks them randomly
A band or singer to be his friend
Tarnished by association
They speed towards their career's end
Trapped for all time, champagne in hand
Under the gazebo with Victoria Beckham
But someone's going to get it
The patronage of Elton John

And the corridors sing
And the corridors sing
Oh, to be picked by him
And namechecked in interviews

I don't want that albatross, I shy away
Others mocking me
I mumble "If you want examples
Look at Live 8 and Pete Docherty.
Elton says treat Pete with leniency
He's just the same as I was in the '70s
And I'm still standing now"
The SELF-QUOTATION of Elton John

As he walks, he jingles
Like a tambourine in a tracksuit
He'll never think of picking me
I've chosen to play my nose-flute
He points a chubby digit
Who will it be?
It points in my direction
The bastard's chosen me
I've gone and sodding got it
The patronage of Elton John

And the corridors sing, and the corridors sing
Oh, to be picked by him
And namechecked in interviews
And I try to sing, and I try to sing
BUT MY VOICE JUST SOUNDS LIKE HIM
And it was going oh so well

The Scissor Sisters, Rufus Wainwright
Now me, I've already had enough
The metric tonne of jewellery he bought me
Feels like handcuffs
I'm not selling out, I've just been bought
I've become a jester in King Elton's court
Just another guy who's not quite as good as Elton John

A pox on creativity, I desire ignominy
I give up the singer's life and duly embrace accountancy
Surrounded by pluses and minuses
'cause you can't strew a spreadsheet with crocuses
A lucky escape from the patronage of Elton John

And the corridors sing, and the corridors sing
Oh, to be picked by him
And namechecked in interviews
And I try to sing, and I try to sing
Oh don't let me be like him

credits

from The Wateracre Pretrospective, released February 27, 2011

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about

Tom Wateracre Greater London, UK

Over-wordy comedy songs by former member of Pegabovine.

"Top-quality musical material" - The Scotsman
"Lunchtime froth" - Chortle

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