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about

This is 90% a true story.

lyrics

We were out on the town, it was around 8pm
We were outside the restaurant, we decided to go in
It was a nice little place, she had been here before
It was our third date, I hoped there'd be more
And she's a down-the-line woman, determined and precise
And I'm no good at choosing, 'cause I know what I'm like
I'm a procrastinator which I know that she hates, so
She chose the restaurant and she arranged the date

We looked at the menu, the list was pretty long
Full of pretty nice things, it would be hard to choose wrong
And I'm no good at choosing, but I know what I like
I ordered a salad, she told the waiter in delight

I'll have the steak and he'll have the ladyfood
Think I'll have my steak done rare, and he'll have the ladyfood

And I said "Now wait a minute, woman, men can eat salads too"
She quaffed her Sauvignon Blanc and said "Oh yeah, says you"
And I said "Don't emasculate me over a bowl of greens"
And she said "Ladyfood! Ladyfood!" I mean now, what does that mean?
I'm a modern man, this much I comprehend
Yeah, I cried at ET, but only at the end
And yeah, she's eating cow and on a lettuce I graze
But doesn't a crouton count for shit these days?

I'll have the steak and he'll have the ladyfood
Think I'll have my steak done rare, and he'll have the ladyfood

When this relationship ends, I'll have no regret
I'll just drizzle it lightly in a vinaigrette
I'll throw some pine nuts on it, put it in a bowl
Serve it up with feta cheese and eat it whole
You better believe I ate that salad, I ate it like a man
No cucumber 'scaped my wrath, I'm sure you understand
Man, I killed that salad, wanna testify
But I don't think she was as impressed as I

I'll have the steak and he'll have the ladyfood
Think I'll have my steak done rare, and he'll have the ladyfood

credits

from The Wateracre Pretrospective, released February 27, 2011

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all rights reserved

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about

Tom Wateracre Greater London, UK

Over-wordy comedy songs by former member of Pegabovine.

"Top-quality musical material" - The Scotsman
"Lunchtime froth" - Chortle

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