Flowers, look at all the lovely flowers
There are so many different types of flowers
I would like to eat them all
Nasturtiums, look at their vibrant colours
You may eat them in a posh man’s salad
Or you may eat them on their own

I was wandering through fields near Amsterdam
Filled my tum with tulips, out came a man
He tried to shoot me but hooray
My shoes were faster than clogs any day

Tulips are one of Holland’s largest exports
Along with pornographic literature and barges
And the paintings of Vermeer
Vermeer, if he was not dead
He would paint me eating whole bunches of flowers
So I could not give them to you

Waiting for you at the train station
With a lovely bunch of carnations
When I give them to you, one is not amused
They are only stalks for I have eaten the blooms

Love is a curious distraction
I would rather be out watering and weeding
That’s my form of haute cuisine
A venus flytrap is the only flower that will bite back
It fills me with the thrill of the kill
I will eat it just the same

When eating flowers think on your feet
For once I found this flower that looked so sweet
Turned out to be the poppy opium
And in the morning, I had a terrible headache

Flowers, please join me eating flowers
It can get rather lonely, ostracised and vilified
Just because you eat flowers